15 Family Advent Ideas

I love all things Christmas – the lights, the songs, the smells, the corny movies and the meaningful traditions. I’m one of those - I could listen to Christmas songs all year long and leave the tree up till March. Something about Christmas makes me want to re-capture my long, lost sense of wonder and mystery – maybe that’s why I want to prolong the season. To a child, Christmas is a magical time filled with excitement and newness. It’s a time when parents establish traditions and create opportunities for their family to immerse themselves in the festivities related to the true meaning of Christmas.

Often as parents we engage in the same seasonal routines without realizing the long-term impact it has on our families. Though my son is now an adult, he is quick to make sure that I wait to include him in all the activities that I did with him while he was growing up. They didn’t start as traditions but over time they have become that. I see in him a deep desire to keep those traditions alive…why?

Studies show that traditions give us a strong sense of belonging and comfort. They remind us that we are part of history – it gives meaning to our past, shapes who we are today and who we are likely to become tomorrow. As a parent traditions give me an opportunity to reinforce the values and beliefs that I hold dear.

What values and beliefs do your Christmas traditions reflect? Here are a few our mine:

1. Make ‘nativity’ the focus in your home by displaying it where your family can see it everyday.  

   1. As our kids got older I would hide one of the figurines and challenge my family to guess who was missing and play sleuth till the figurine was found.

   2. The day that the figurine was found, our mealtime discussion revolved around that character’s part was in the Christmas story. I humanized that character by asking questions like – “how do you think ______ felt?” “If you were _____ how would you feel?” etc.

   3. After dinner we would all look for Jesus a few days leading up to December 25th (My kids would look for Jesus but wouldn’t find Him). Advent, the weeks leading up to the birth of Jesus is really a time of preparation to celebrate the birth of Jesus. I built excitement about the missing ‘Jesus’ and talked about the ‘longing’ the Jews felt while waiting for the Messiah.

   4. On Christmas day, we would wake up and look for Jesus, place him in the manger and talk about how God sent his son to be ‘with us’- Emmanuel! God with us! We took time to reflect on our need of a Savior. As my kids got older, our conversations became deeper.

2. Invite friends to a Christmas Open House Birthday party for Jesus. Decorate, bake a cake and sing happy birthday. Encourage attendees to bring a ‘Toys for Tots’ or ‘Angel Tree’ gift.

3. Find a single or sick mom and offer to buy gifts for the kids as well as clean and decorate their home.  Years ago I was blessed by friends that surprised me with this when I was fighting cancer. Their gift to me will forever hold a special place in my heart.  

4. Limit the number of gifts your kids receive to 3 things – a need, a want and a dream.

5. Create opportunities for your kids to earn money. Take them shopping and buy gifts for a charitable organization.

6. Make goodies and handmade cards for neighbors, shut-ins and community officers.

7. Visit the children’s hospital and sing carols and/or handout gifts.

8. Gift opening can be a blur since kids are eager and excited to open gifts on Christmas morning. Every year I read a different Christmas Story book and asked our kids to listen for their assigned ‘keywords’ to unwrap their gifts.

9. Buy or make an ornament that encapsulates a year - in each of your family member’s life. When my son was into photography, I bought a camera ornament, when my daughter was into Barbie’s I bought a Barbie ornament. Add the year to the back. It’s become a tradition in our home to hang ornaments with my son who loves listening to the stories associated with each ornament.

10. One of our favorite things to do till this day is to get into our pajamas, pack some hot coco and cookies and drive around neighborhoods to see light displays.

11. Read the Christmas Story from Luke 2. When the kids were young they would reenact the story as I read it and as they got older, they took turns reading it.

12. Attend Christmas services as a family.

13. Invite friends over for Christmas dinner. We’ve always had guests with us at Christmas Eve or day dinner. I’m proud of the fact that my kids have learned to share Christmas with others. Years of deep and meaningful conversations with those at our table have shaped our children’s understanding of diversity and relationships.

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash

Making the Most of Family Rhythms: Faith Development in Newborns & Preschoolers

My grandbabies love playing in water. It’s their all-time favorite summer activity! A few years back I created a ‘water container’ that contains all the things that can enhance as well as spark their imagination while playing with water. When they were toddlers, they enjoyed placing a dry sponge in water. I was amazed at the amount of time they spent hovering around it, watching it absorb the water, while wholeheartedly giggling and laughing. I was overcome with joy at their ability to find delight in the trivial, and sad at how one day, like me, they would question what happened to their diminished sense of wonder.

But I know that their sense of awe serves a very strong purpose during these years. Brain development suggests that the first 9 months, followed by the next 3 years are the most critical. Everything that a person needs, to be all that they can be, happens during these years. The brain is storing information that will be used later. In other words, their brains are sponges - soaking and storing! Their deep sense of wonder makes this world their classroom. Every moment and experience is a teachable moment. Information input to the brain will never be as optimal as it is during this phase, and this happens through their five senses. So how can we capitalize on what is naturally happening during this phase?

First, discover what’s missing….

It’s easy to think of the “how-to’s” we teach every day – how to eat with a fork, how to play safely, how to brush your teeth, how to get dressed, how to walk, how to talk… However, what is often overlooked in the crazy pace of parenthood are the spiritual needs of our children. Maybe it’s because these needs are invisible. Experts say that children start living out their values at the age of two. Their sense of wonder coupled with their spongy brain makes this time frame the easiest time to shape their beliefs because they’re teachable.

When?
If you had asked me as a young mom to add something to my schedule I would’ve had an instant, ugly breakdown. Six weeks into my motherhood journey I was aghast to discover that my supermom cape didn’t come with an ‘Energizer Battery’.  Looking back, I wish someone had opened my heart and mind to understanding Deuteronomy 6:7-8. There is freedom is knowing we don’t need to find additional times in our day to pass on our faith to our children, but instead, we do it as we do life with them each day.

How?
We all wake up, eat, sleep, drive and hang together. We all do those things in the rhythm of our day, and God is just telling us to maximize them by incorporating faith into your ‘beats’:

• Talk to your baby/preschooler about God during these ‘beats’. I have found that bath, drive/walk, play and cuddle times are the easiest.

• Avoid feeling overwhelmed by choosing one thing to do each week. Be intentional about adding more, over time.

• Point out and link faith to everyday things. ‘God made (name of person or thing).

• Keep it short and sweet. Drop the details.

• Pick and share a few Biblical truths – ‘God made you’ and ‘God loves you’.

• Repeat truths and stories over and over again. You might get bored with repetition (I do!), but the brain thrives on repetition to make permanent connections.

• Keep it informal.

• Model it – faith is taught not caught. Model praying and reading your Bible. ntroduce them to love (not anger) – God is love. So how does a baby or preschooler define love? I posed t his very question to the parents at one of my parenting classes. They were stumped. Babies and preschoolers are sensory learners – they’re asking what love feels, sounds, smells, tastes and looks like? In light of this, what does your family life convey? It’s easy to assume that babies don’t understand what’s happening in the far corner of your homes – but studies show that their lack of inhibitory transmitters makes them more acutely aware, as well as sensitive to everything around them compared to adults.o Their spongy brain is soaking it in. As parents, when we lovingly embrace their physical and emotional needs, we help them understand love and introduce them to their Heavenly Father. With kind words, we introduce them to God’s love. With warm hugs, we show them what God’s love feels like. When we feed them we demonstrate God’s care and provision. When we protect them, we illustrate God’s protection….

Additionally, consider:

• At drive time, listen to children's worship music and sing together.

• At cuddle time, read a book, share Biblical truths and pray.

• At walk time, talk about God's creation. Stop, watch, listen and feel nature together.

• At play and bath time, reenact Bible stories using figurines.

Parents, no one has more potential, including the church, to impact your children spirituality more than you do. Your time is valuable, but limited. Your intentionality can reap a harvest, especially during the first 4 years of your child’s life. So how will you use your daily beats to convince your little ones that God made them, God loves them, and He is with them?

15 Ways to Exasperate Your Children

As adults we can become intensely irritated, angered, maddened, enraged, provoked and infuriated. In other words you find yourselves being ‘exasperated’.  As parents we’re capable of provoking the same feelings in our children. However since their brains are still developing, the long-term impact of constantly exasperating them has severe negative relational and behavioral consequences. God in His wisdom warns parents to guard themselves from exasperating their children.

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3 NIV

Before we bang this scripture verse over our children’s head and demand that they obey us, let’s not forget the fourth verse in this passage.

“4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

In this verse the spotlight turns directly to parents. This verse makes it pretty clear that God holds parents responsible for how we use our authority. We all want to be good parents - but sometimes, in wanting to do the right thing for our children - we end up doing it the wrong way because of how we approach it. And when we do the right thing the wrong way we exasperate our children. Colossians 3:21 talks about the cost of exasperating our children:

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”

Wow! The last thing we want to see happen is for our children to lose heart. When they do, we lose one of the most important battles in our lives– the battle for our child’s heart.

It’s clear parental authority comes with responsibility and accountability. First, we must model what it is to live under God’s authority so children see the benefits of living under God’s given structure and avoiding sin. Second, we must understand that the ultimate goal of teaching our children to walk in obedience under us, is to allow them to experience first hand the goodness of walking and respecting God’s authority. The fruit is a promise - that we will live a long and blessed life.

What would it look like to exasperate your children? How can you avoid doing so?

1. Abusing your power to discipline - Biblical discipline is not punishment - it is course correction. It is modeling Christ in parenting - it is ‘training a child in the ways he should go’ according to scripture – all to protect and shape a child’s heart.  Pray before reacting.

2. High expectations without understanding your child’s natural gifts, talents, learning style and unique personality traits – slow down, read and educate yourself on what is going on in your child’s natural stage of development.

3. Disciplining them without warning them (no matter what the age) – give grace the first time you see your child do something that is harmful. Take time to explain future consequence of repeating the same action.

4. Constantly administrating harsh discipline – harsh discipline hardens the heart towards you and God. If you’re not observing any change in your child’s behavior patterns, try administrating a different discipline.

5. When the time doesn’t match the crime.

6. Playing favoritism – We are born to receive our parents’ approval and favor. Favoritism makes children develop behavior patterns that are attention seeking rather than character building.

7. Withdrawing affection, especially after disciplining your children – it’s kindness and love that provides a place for children to safely turn their back on behaviors that are harmful in their life. Make it a habit to hug your child, or playing with them when you’re done disciplining them.

8. When your yes is not a yes and your no is not a no – talk about confusing! Children thrive under consistent as well as predictable guidelines.

9. When you don’t apologize – If you want to raise a child after God’s own heart, model asking for forgiveness. It’s the key to all healthy relationships.

10. Over-protecting them – one of the goals of parenting is to teach them to gain independence as you earn their trust. Over protecting as well as micro-managing them kills their confidence and lowers their self-esteem. Let them learn the hard way - don’t bail them out of situations. 

11. Not keeping a promise – use your ‘promises’ wisely. A broken promise leaves long-term scars on a child’s heart and mind. In spite of the fact that we continue to break our heavenly Father’s heart, he has never broken His promises towards us. Children internalize broken promises as loss of love, attention and value.

12. Embarrassing them in private and in public – it’s a gateway to feelings of shame.

13. Model hypocrisy- Hypocrisy leads to disrespect and loss of credibility. Get in a habit of admitting your failure to meet expectations.

14. Not listening to them –Teach them how to respectfully share their feelings with you. Listen, be slow to react!

15. Treating them as your friends rather than your children. This is especially true in case of marital conflict. Children are not designed to parent their parents. Role reversal shortens their emotional development and leads to unhealthy future relationships.

    Raising a toddler? Read my blog about how not to exasperate your toddler.

Photo by Janko Ferlič on Unsplash